A World to Read, Be Read To, Imagine, and Understand*

I’ve been trying to go back to reading ever since I realized what a black hole Korean entertainment is. I felt that I was doing a disservice to my brain because all I ever did when I wasn’t doing anything was to watch Korean shows (dramas and variety and music videos). It was embarrassingly unproductive for someone who should be writing her thesis. After all, I temporarily chucked out my solid career so I could finally get hold of that MS degree.

I started reading a handful of books but none held my attention the way Korean shows had for the past year. My reading was reduced to reading my twitter timeline and should I come across an interesting article, I read that. But I miss reading books. I miss getting sucked into different worlds only books can have. I miss feeling a spectrum of emotions as stories unfold before my mind’s eyes.  I miss it like how you miss home after being away for a long time.

In my quest to find “home”, I decided to give Neil Gaiman’s The View from the Cheap Seats a chance to be the book that could show me the way home. It’s a collection of non-fictional essays he wrote over the years ranging from speeches to tributes to renowned writers. Surprisingly, it was. It is. It is the book that is slowly but surely showing me the way home.

Reading his essays reminded me how much I love reading and stories and books and libraries. It reminded me how I once wanted to be a writer; not as a job but as something that I just wanted to be. It reminded me how I once tried to write stories but never finished any of them. It reminded me of a time when I realized I wasn’t cut for writing stories but believed I was pretty good at writing essays so I stopped writing stories and started writing essays. It reminded me of well-loved books that molded me into the person I am now: Enid Blyton’s five kids who loved solving mysteries, Ann Martin’s babysitters’ club, Francine Pascal’s twins and their lovers and friends, Lois Lowry’s young Jewish heroine during the Nazi occupation of Poland, RL Stine’s street of fear and horror, Gordon Korman’s quirky, hilarious characters. It reminded me how much I loved libraries when I was a child and how this love to libraries continues to this day; that I will always find it as a haven where hidden worlds are waiting to be found and explored.

I fell in love with reading because it introduced me to worlds I would have not otherwise known. I had a comfortable, normal, boring childhood. My needs were met. Most of my wants were satiated. The biggest tragedy that I encountered when I was a child was when I was 0.02 behind from the grade point average required to be accelerated to 1st-year high school. It felt that everything I worked for became meaningless when I failed to skip 7th grade. Only to find out years later that I have yet to feel and know what tragedy truly is.

Books made my life exciting. Books expanded my spectrum of emotions. I experienced struggle, infatuation, heartbreak, fear, horror, loss, triumph. I sobbed when the main character lost her family. My heart pounded when the main character was stalked by shadows. I laughed when a character in the story said something funny. I felt a deep sense of personal triumph when a character I was rooting for overcame struggles. Their adventures were my adventures. Their stories were my stories. I lived in a world of books. And this is where I learned life’s biggest lessons.

I do not read books because I feel lonely or that I have no friends or that there’s the need to escape because life is bad. As I have said, books excite me. I read books because I am curious. I’m curious about the other worlds that I do not know of. The other worlds can be worse than the world that I am in or it can be better. I do not care, really. What is important to me is the perspective it can give me. My perspective is frustratingly limited and I can only expand it by exploring other worlds without physically moving to those worlds. And the gateway to those worlds are books.

I’m halfway through the book. And I find that I think I like Neil Gaiman as an essayist than a storyteller. I’ve read few of his books and none stuck with me. I remember Good Omens was a funny book and The Ocean at the End of the Lane was a bit unsettling. But I could not remember the stories. I only remembered the general feeling those books gave me. I also have two of his books of short story collection: Trigger Warning and Unnatural Creatures. Both I have not yet read. I think it’s time to re-acquaint myself with Neil Gaiman the storyteller.

But I’m thankful to Neil Gaiman and this particular collection of nonfictional essays because, through this book, I have finally arrived.

*From Neil Gaiman’s 2013 lecture for the Reading Agency, UK

They say time flies but you keep breakin’ its wings*

I’m prayin’that your eyes are the first to go / The way they looked when you smiled, the way they opened and closed / Then your nose, every single breath you take / And then your lips, every empty promise made and said / Please fade, fade to black / Please fade, fade to black

And with that last words, before the chorus, I was hooked.

It’s an English version of Korean RnB song by Taeyang of Big Bang of the same title, Eyes, Nose, Lips. I’m not sure what’s the Korean translation of the original lyrics but according to the official music video, the words were Tablo’s.

Tablo. Tablo stole my heart and mind today. My friend told me about Tablo, a Korean rapper, and how he was invited to attend the recently concluded Grammy’s.

I was telling my friend about Big Bang’s interview with CNN which I watched over the weekend. As you know, I’m raving about Super Junior. I spent almost a month watching video after video of their performances, interviews, variety shows for the past 12 years. I was surprised how huge, globally, is the following of that group and I understood why. But Big Bang, apparently, is the real deal.

First off, they sang Fantastic Baby which I always associated with Eat Bulaga’s phenomenal Kalye Serye. I wasn’t aware it was Korean until 2 days ago when I found out that it was their song. I have to mention this because Kalye Serye propelled to stardom Alden Richards and Maine Mendoza, breaking twitter records for several consecutive weeks that international artists were asking who were they and why their social engagement was always in millions. And them using Big Bang’s song, repeatedly playing that part of “Fantastic baby, I wanna dance, dance, dance” while the three lolas and Yayadub danced to it is for me a huge deal. They brought to my awareness that song.

Second, CNN showed how BIG was Big Bang. In 2015, they made $44M which was 10x bigger than what the highest paid music group, Maroon 5, made. They also placed 3rd in the Time’s 100 Most Influential People in 2015 (but this is voting and I don’t trust that system, to be honest, but still to land in Time magazine is a huge deal). Kwon Ji-yong, more famously known as G-Dragon, was included in Forbes Asia 30 Under 30 in 2015 and collaborated with Missy Elliot, Diplo, and Skrillrex (but tbh, I only know of Missy Elliot in this list because she’s the Queen of Rap, yo). Also, the kid gets to be invited in to European fashion shows.

I know I just jumped from Tablo to Big Bang. But bear with me. There is a connection, really.

So Big Bang is HUGE. They broke record after record both in and out of Korea. It’s impressive.

Then my friend mentioned that she also watched a CNN interview of Tablo and she was impressed how articulate Tablo was in English. So I watched his interview. I wasn’t able to finish the entire interview. The one I watched was cut into three parts and I was only able to finish the first part. And what piqued my curiosity was this.

Tablo grew up overseas. He’s Korean by ethnicity but was born in Indonesia and grew up in Canada. He went to Stanford University for his college and graduate studies. It was in the US when he started delving into the rap scene and when he returned to Korea he and 2 other friends got together to form Epik High, a hip hop group. It was in early 2000s. K Pop was yet to sweep the world and hip hop and rap were two genres that Koreans were not exactly welcoming with open arms. But as with all rappers go, who gives a flying eff, right? So off they made music. Not surprisingly, their songs were censored. Mostly, they wrote of social issues – poverty, social classes, education – found to be offensive by the system. The first 2 albums flopped. But that didn’t deter them. With their 3rd album, they wrote a love song, something that the kids got interested in. But the rest of the album got censored again. And that censorship was what helped their 3rd album fly. Classic defy the system move.

I found that move smart. And I thought this guy was not only good with words, he’s actually, truly smart. I looked him up and found out that he not only graduated from Stanford, he graduated from Stanford and received both his BA and MA degrees in 3.5 years. Then I saw his collaboration with Gallant, an American singer songwriter and Eric Nam (another Korean singer) titled Cave Me In. Gallant was nominated in the recent Grammy for Best Urban Contemporary Album and that’s why Tablo was invited to attend. Further to my research, I learned that he was a hot topic a few years ago in Korea. For some strange twist of events, as he was beginning to make a mark in the Korean music scene, several Korean netizens (Knetz) questioned his credentials particularly the veracity of his educational achievement. During that time, there were several public figures who claimed they graduated from this foreign university with this degree but turned out to be false. The fact that he finished both degrees in half the time were doubtful to several Knetz. A modern day witch hunt with Tablo on the center began.

I wouldn’t get into details but I’ll share this write up because the writer did a splendid job of narrating what happened to Tablo, so much so that I felt I was watching the modern-day horror story unfold before my very eyes: The Persecution of Daniel Lee. Here’s another take of that witch hunt. This one has a family drama element: The Stalking of Korean Hip Hop Superstar Daniel Lee.

Listening to that collaboration led me to his English version of Eyes, Nose, Lips which blew my mind. I had it on loop the entire day, today.

I also came across of his old raps in English such as Dear TV and Lesson 1 with powerful lines such as:

Do we learn math to add the dead sums? Subtract the weak ones, count cash for great ones? Why do we learn history? To fix stories for the guilty? Do we learn to read to receive the lies, to deceive the eyes from reading between the lines? – Lesson 1

I’m no expert in rap. I actually don’t like rap as a genre although I appreciate several rap songs of Gloc 9 and Francis M. My exposure at best is Eminem and I like a few of his rap songs. I don’t like rappers using expletives. I find it lazy of them if they could not think of a better word than an expletive. But Tablo was a revelation. Not only is his rap intelligent what with his clever word play and the choice of words but his music is also on point.

When the witch hunt was finally over, Tablo released a solo album named Fever’s End. I came across his interview in Youtube about how this album came about and in it he discussed his thought process for each song. That interview made me realize that Tablo’s mind is a treasure trove and I swear, I just want to hunt him down and force him to have a conversation with me. I would love to be on the receiving end of all his beautiful, painful, mind blowing thoughts.

Here’s the interview for your appreciation of the brilliant mind of Tablo: Humming Melodies as Defense Mechanism

*From Eyes, Lips, Nose of TabloxTaeyang

 

 

It’s You*

Watching B1A4 on March! Who knew that I’d get to watch these kids perform live sooner than I expected?

Not only that, I also get to watch CN Blue! I never talked about them here. But it’s the group that actually introduced me to KPop. Their You’re So Fine song was so catchy I had it on loop for a day.

Yep. Korean entertainment is a black hole and I only get myself deeper and deeper into it.

But I’m here to talk about a group that I only came across recently but had me bingeing on their old videos for the past couple of weeks.

I heard of them before but K Pop was such an alien concept to my alternative, indie, pop rock music loving self that I never gave them a second look, not even a second thought. I love my musicians playing instruments while singing and this is why boybands (Korean or not) never appealed to me. Until I recently realized that One Direction is a nice company for road trips and Backstreet Boys is a hit in videoke.

Apparently, there’s this group that’s responsible in introducing K Pop to the world — Super Junior.

I can’t remember how I ended up bingeing on their videos or stalking each member like they’re case studies. I was into EXO then and stanning Zhang Yixing (more famously known as Lay) and Kim Jongdae (more famously known as Chen) so hard. I was bingeing on every interview, every performance, every behind the scene, every clip there is about this group, Lay, and Jongdae. I remember the first video I watched of EXO. It was Monster. Their most recent release and similar with B1A4, I cared zero about the lyrics but the music and the dance blew my mind. It didn’t sound boyband (the way I know boyband music) at all.

With Super Junior, I couldn’t remember the first video I watched of them.

But here’s what I know. They’re the warmest, most sincere group I’ve seen in that side of the world or maybe, in all sides of the world. Their entertainment intelligence (if there’s such a thing) is outstanding. Their interviews were always a riot. They could say crap about each other but they also look out for each other. They do not shy away from showing affection to each other. They hug, they kiss, they cry. They would do stupid things onstage and on camera and appear that they’re having the time of their lives. Their antics are always hilarious. I don’t know if they underwent training for those kinds of things but I would like to believe that their warmth, sincerity, and tough love towards each other are because of the depth of their relationship forged over the years.

I’m stanning this group so hard. Really. I have 10 years worth of Super Junior entertainment to catch up on. They’re gearing for a riot reunion soon and I made a pact with a friend that if Super Show comes to Manila, we’ll get VIP seats. I watched the videos of their SuShow 6 in Seoul and these boys could do CONCERTS. Their production is fantastic. So fantastic that I want to buy a DVD of SuShow 6.

Here’s the thing. I’m stanning this group not for their music. Their music is okay, nothing spectacular or distinctive. I won’t be able to recognize that it’s SuJu if I hear a new song by them on the radio. I’m stanning them real bad because how real they are, as people. They’re entertainers, first and foremost. But in the short time I have stalked them, I recognize their persons. That behind their success and their smiles and their laughter, there were struggles, there were tears, there were heartbreaks. They do not shy away from sharing these things to the world, these things that make them humans. Of course they could just be really good actors (but I doubt, they’re not actors, anyway, except for Siwon) but here’s what I know, you can’t fake sincerity or warmth or realness. And these guys, they’re as real as it gets.

L-R: Shindong, Sungmin, Donghae, Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Kangin, Eunhyuk, Siwon, Leeteuk, Yesung, Heechul (not in photo)

*Incidentally, this is one of my favorite song of  theirs.

Let’s fly!

When I got to Korean dramas and movies early this year, I was sure that I would never cross the KPop world. You see, for me, there’s that demarcation line between actors and musicians. They’re entertainers with totally different skill set. And here in the Philippines, most musicians (except for a few) don’t act and actors don’t sing (well, showbiz here want to make their actors ARTISTS but they just don’t cut it. I’d rather have them onscreen than onstage). Except if you’re theater actors because you have the best of both worlds, except you’re technically not a musician. But I digress.

I’m slightly aware that KPop is big here in the country. That truth came to me when I learned from my previous work colleague who attended this KPop concert of various KPop acts a couple of years ago. It frickin’ sold out. In the Philippine Arena,  the country’s biggest dome.  Katy Perry didn’t even sold it out!

The recent KPop acts that are really famous are boy bands or girl bands with more than 5 members singing and dancing. That’s pretty interesting since by Western standard, 5 is the max in a band. But there are K boy bands/girl bands that have as much as 13 members performing together. THIRTEEN! That’s a small class already!

They never interested me, to be honest, because I understand zero their lyrics, I can’t relate to their songs. There’s just no connection. And with music, it’s all about connection.

Until I came across B1A4.

I didn’t stumble upon B1A4 as a band. I first saw Jinyoung as the second lead in Moonlight Drawn by Clouds headlined by Park Bo Gum and Kim Yoon Jung. I watched it because of Park Bo Gum but didn’t finish it because it didn’t interest me despite the eye candy but that’s a story to tell in another day.

So Jinyoung. It was not his acting per se that hooked me. It’s the intensity of his gaze. It was as if he could see right through you and could melt any cold hearted girl to puddle of goo. Had to google the young boy.

I learned that he’s the leader of this boyband B1A4. And interestingly, their band name was based on their blood type. How dorky! I love it! I want to be friends of whoever thought of their name! While the band name is a mouthful what with 4 syllables and there’s no way you can short cut it like say, Matchbox Twenty with 4 syllables (and incidentally my favorite band in the whole wide world that the cancellation of their Manila concert still brings me to tears) and call it MB or Matchbox. You can’t say B1 because that comes to mind Bananas in Pyjamas, B1 and B2. You can’t say A4 because that’s a kind of paper used at work. They’re just B1A4. I’m not sure if BANA is the shortcut but I think that’s the name of B1A4 fans.

Recent articles also showed that Jinyoung wrote a couple of songs for this music contest for girl bands and that the songs he wrote won. Something like that. So the kid is not only a singer (at this point, I haven’t heard him sing yet), the kid could write songs! And he was actually the songwriter for his band! I’m a sucker for talented, good looking boys. Aren’t we all? I was actually hoping that him and Bo Gum (who also could sing well and actually wanted to become a singer songwriter but life has a way of messing up our plans) to collaborate and make music for their drama, even if I didn’t watch it. But sadly, that didn’t happen. Maybe another day.

To be honest, I didn’t want to listen to their songs. I wasn’t prepared to cross that line. But with me, curiosity wins most of the time, so I youtubed a video. It’s a dance practice video in their official YT channel.

AND OMG. My heart fluttered like a little girl.

Not with their music but with their dance steps! These boys could dance and their dance steps were so adorable.

I can’t dance. I have no grace. None at all. But I appreciate a good dance if I see one. And theirs was really really good. I watched all the dance vids they have in their YT channel. I particularly liked their dance for Lonely.

Their music was really catchy. Boyband kind of music. You know. So I listened to a few more. Lonely stood out for me from the songs I heard that it became an earworm. A Korean song becoming an earworm. That just didn’t sound right. Would never sound right. But it did. And there’s nothing I could do about that.

But what really sold me to B1A4 that it made me binge on all YT videos about them for the past two weeks was when they released their new song, A Lie and their comeback album, Good Timing.

As always, the dance was mindblowing. And the arrangement was really, really good. Of course, I still don’t understand any of the words but I could hear that it was a good song. A pretty good one for a comeback.

They debuted six years ago. They’re not as famous. Their new song only exceeded a million views after 2 weeks it was released compared to Big Bang who released a song 2 days ago and has already 10M views.

But I love underrated talents. And B1A4 is no exception. They might not make it as big as Big Bang but I’m pretty sure their pure, unadulterated talents will get them anywhere.

They went to Manila for a concert last 2014. I hope they go here soon to promote their new album because I will definitely watch these boys!

I find all of them endearing after watching their vids in LA, BTS of a few of their music videos, and handful of interviews with English subs. While I find Jinyoung really good looking with that crumble to your knees smoldering gaze, my bias is Sandeul because he’s hilarious and he loves food as much as I do!

L-R: Gongchan, Sandeul, Jinyoung, Baro, CNU

Binge

One of the biggest ~discoveries~ this year that actually has a hold in my life is the sleepless world of Korean dramas. The Halloween long weekend is just about to end and I spent the four days holed up in my room watching series. Surprisingly, it didn’t focus on Kdrama bingeing. I had to catch up first on The Walking Dead since the internet broke last week with Glenn Rhee’s death. And he’s Korean. Well, Korean-American. But still Korean. See the connection?

I’m not here to write about Glenn Rhee but let it be known that his death broke my heart into million pieces. So much so that I have no heart to watch the succeeding episodes. It’s like my The Walking Dead heart died when Glenn uttered these words as his last, “I will find you, Maggie.”

A moment of silence.

What I did binge this weekend is Kang Dong Won. The guy in the center.

It was said that Joo Won (right, the star of one of the best kdramas I’ve watched, Good Doctor) looks like him but personally, Jung Joon Young (left, a rockstar whose singing voice will blow your mind) looks more like KDW.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I first came across KDW while I was on a Joo Won stalking spree after I watched Good Doctor. Since it was said that the guy looks like Joo Won, I just had to check and my stalking led me to watching a bunch of Korean video clips in YouTube. There was a short film starring him and Song Hye Kyo entitled Love For Sale. It’s part of three short films collectively known as Camellia. The story is set in the future where romantic memories can be traded. Apparently, Song Hye Kyo sold her memories because she thought Kang Dong Won died. But he didn’t and so he’s tracking her down to preserve those memories. The premise is weird but I appreciate it. Reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind except that this is more violent.

But that’s not when I became a KDW fan. I just became a KDW fan this weekend when I watched A Violent Prosecutor. Followed by Kundo: Age of the Rampant. In the former, he was a protagonist. The story is very similar to Shawshank Redemption except it’s lighter in mood, with less dialogues, and more action. It’s not as put together as Shawshank Redemption but it’s good nonetheless. KDW was funny here. In Kundo, he was the antagonist, a psychopathic nobleman who lived and breathed greed. Both movies showcased his acting prowess and I became a fan. I also tried to watch The Priests since it’s Halloween but subs were bad so I had to pass on it until a later time.

Surprisingly, he’s not much of a kdrama star. He started in a kdrama in early 2000s but he’s more of a movie actor. In fact, he went here a few months ago to shoot a movie with Kim Woo Bin. Unfortunately, I wasn’t a KDW fan back then. If I were, I would have stalked him high and low. There were sightings of him in The Fort which is like a 5 minute drive from our home if traffic’s light. Ugh. Missed chance! Anyway, it’ll be released sometime next year. Will definitely catch it. Also, he’s included in the stalking list when my friends and I go to Korea next year. LOL.

That said, I plan to write about my top ten Korean actors which includes Yoo Ah In, Song Joong Ki, Kim Soo Hyun, Kang Ha Neul, Lee Joon Gi, Kang Dong Won. I’m still trying to figure out their ranks. Anyway, I still have tonight to watch another KDW movie. Should I go with My Palpitating Life (I know, what a weird title) or with Jeon Woo Chi: The Taoist Wizard?

None of the above. I’m watching Secret Reunion, instead.

Change of direction

Initially, as you may have read, this blog was put up to dazzle you with my tales as a corporate slave extraordinaire in the field of Human Resources. But work got in the way and since my career went on a right turn, I became less involved in Human Resources and more on… something else. I’m still trying to find words how to describe my new role but it’s not as HR intensive as it used to be.

So this blog is taking on a different path. I figured that instead of talking about my personal life, I could just talk about the books I read, movies, TV series, and/or stage plays I watched, music I listened to, places I went to, sights I saw, food I tasted, things I learned. I think it’d be interesting to chronicle what I am consuming these days. Also to put them into more than 140 characters.

Recently, I started watching Korean dramas and really getting into them. I have marathoned a lot of Korean dramas and while they were mostly entertaining, only a few warranted deep appreciation.

Watching Korean dramas led me to watch Korean movies which led me to watch Japanese movies and now, I’m interested in reading Manga. However, I’m still in Chapter 5 in my first manga which is Gantz when I decided to read Aktugawa, the author of Rashomon. So now, I’m reading that and also Please Look After Mom written by Kyung Sook Shin, a Korean. I know. I might have ADD.

Back to what I want to say. So I’m consuming this and that but only a few warranted deep appreciation and those chosen few I intend to feature here.

The idea was borne after I finished Brain Man. It’s a Japanese movie and I will write a more detailed review of it. But that movie inspired me to put into words my thoughts after watching that movie. It’s about a man who could not feel pain and has no concept of it. He was accused to be the person behind a series of bomb attacks in Tokyo and how a psychiatrist who got into his case and proved that it wasn’t him. The entire movie was thought provoking and I also love how the story was told and how the characters were portrayed.

Also, I need to improve my writing skills. Badly. I could see how bad my writing has become.

So there. A change of direction. A good thing, most of the time. When the path you’re in is not working for you. But that’s another thought for another day.

6 Things the Most Organized People Do Every Day

Ang Sarap Magkamali – A Non HR Related Post

It’s funny how you do one thing without much thought and it turned out to be one of the best things ever. Wait. It’s not funny. It’s blessed. It’s a miracle.

The idea to take the Foreign Service Officer (FSO) exam wasn’t part of THE PLAN. Professionally, the plan for this year was to finish my long overdue thesis and continue to expand in my career as HR professional. Maybe take Advanced Psychopathology which is a requirement for Psychologist board exam. Maybe apply for a scholarship in the US to take further studies. But the maybes were a long shot. Something that would cross my mind but never really take seriously.

I was at work, bored out of my wits, motivation level below zero I started questioning the meaning of life when I saw while brainlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed that the application for FSO was extended for another two weeks.

Did you ever feel that strong urge that you have to try this or forever hold your peace? That moment of clarity was undeniable. Right then and there, I decided that I would take the exam.

Two weeks was a very short time for me to complete the requirements. But it seemed then that the universe was on my side. In one week, I was able to complete my requirements. Special shoutout to NSO and DLSU online request of documents and express delivery which saved me a lot of time, to my lawyer friend who supported this endeavor by not asking payment for the notary of my application form and lending me his political law book, and to my boss back then who approved my leave. The following week, I filed for a leave for a day so I could submit my requirements to DFA.

I started reviewing Algebra. Particularly, setting up equations for word problems because that’s always been my weakest point when it comes to Math. Then again, I never had a strong point in that field. Except maybe MDAS.

The exam took 3 hours. And it was the most difficult exam I have taken in my entire life. I have only one thought when I closed the booklet and handed my answer sheet and test booklet to the proctor, only a miracle would make me pass this exam.

Life went on and I never thought again about my FSO application or that exam.

Until one of my friends sent me a Facebook message asking if my real name was Rohayna and if it was, congratulations.

I stifled my scream of delight because it’s almost 11 in the evening, my parents just went inside their room, and I was about to go to sleep when she broke to me the news. I immediately leaped off my bed, ran outside my room and told my brother that I passed the FSO qualifying exam. I was laughing and screaming and jumping. I couldn’t believe it!

I PASSED THE FSO QUALIFYING EXAM.

I. PASSED. THE. FSO. QUALIFYING. EXAM.

IPASSEDTHEFSOQUALIFYINGEXAM!!!!

I was so happy. So happy not only because I passed it when I was so sure I’d never passed it but because the universe told me clearly that miracles happen.

Out of 446 examinees, I was one of the 92 who passed. But it’s just the beginning of the tough TOUGH path to becoming a diplomat, representing the country in different parts of the world, advancing the interests of the country in the global arena, and protecting the rights of Filipinos wherever they may be in the world. On November 22, I will undergo a panel interview with Foreign Service Officers to gauge me if I would fit the bill. If and when the stars align in my favor, I will then take the 3 day written exam. But even if there’s still that half of a possibility that I wouldn’t proceed to the next level, I’m still preparing for that 3 day written exam by reading foreign policies, current events, politics, etc. just in case. As the leaders counseled, “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.”

Whatever the result, I am grateful. I am grateful that the universe proved me wrong. I am grateful for this blessing; the opportunity to try my luck and get past the first hurdle. The sweet SWEET taste of triumph when you least expect it is the one thing I would always look back with a full heart in this part of my life. For me, that’s more than enough.

Without further adieu*

In five working days, I’ll be leaving the company I have worked at for the last fifty eight months.

I’ve thought of several ways how to express to the company that I’m leaving. Even before I seriously thought of resigning, I was already brainstorming on what format should my resignation letter be. Should it be a video format? A production number? An invitation that looks like a wedding invite? I thought of covering my boss’ table of post its spelling out that I’m resigning. I wanted to be different, as always. And memorable.

But after all that energy I spent thinking on the format, I settled on the old school, classic and boring way: resignation letter. I even outbored that: sending it via email.

The only difference was I wrote two letters. One is the usual resignation letter, one that’s for public consumption. The other is a letter to my boss. I wanted to express my deep gratitude to my boss and I simply couldn’t let the world know about that. And knowing my boss, she wouldn’t want the world to know, too. And just for the record, I shed a tear or two while writing my letter to my boss.

Below is the entirety of my for public consumption resignation letter.

It’s been a colourful, maddening, remarkable ride for me here. I never thought I can actually stay in a company for almost five years and felt that I’ve been here in a decade (and I say this in a positive note, too). I am grateful for the opportunities provided to me by G4S. This company helped me built a career that I was so sure I would never delve into. This company brought me mind blowing highs and heart breaking lows that eventually led me to where I am right now and for this I will forever be indebted. G4S not only opened doors of opportunities for me but also opened parts of myself that I never even knew existed. It taught me to take pressure under grace; to not take things personally; to accept criticisms and blame with an open mind and use them to better my game; to stand up for what is fair and just; to understand the business, the impacts of business decisions to its employees, to be pro business without being anti employee and vice versa. It was a thin, delicate line to thread and I learned to walk that line with grace here. I will always carry these things with me as I grow in this field.

But with all things, there is a beginning and an end. And today begins the countdown until the end of my service here. My last day will be on 2 October 2014.

I have reached my saturation point and I strongly feel that it’s time for me to move forward. I do not want to short change the company, my work, my supervisors, and myself by staying here and not deliver what is expected from me in the quality that I want and the company and the people I serve deserve.

Thank you for believing in me. G4S was a second home.

*Words of Ms Jessy Mendiola

PYPM.

They say that the best way to immortalize someone is to write about them. Now, if one is immortalized in a good way or bad way depends of course on how he or she was written.

Today, I plan to immortalize one of my most recent favorite people. Two reasons: 1. It’s her birth anniversary. 2. I’m still thinking of what gift to give her and this would buy me some time. 3. She’s all sorts of awesome. Did I tell you I’m really bad at math? (Only the smart people will get this though so I’m judging you.)

I met her back in 2011 if my poor memory of dates serves me right. I was quite the aloof person in the department even after two years because I haven’t really found people I would actually care to hang out with. I was that selective. I still am. I’m relatively friendly and social but the introvert in me loves establishing deep meaningful relationships with people I judge to be awesome to hang out with. But I digress.

She didn’t really strike me anything special. She seemed enthusiastic though. A huge ball of energy to match the volume of work. She never got to participate in the social activities I threw at work because for some reasons that still escape me until today; the company she was handling back then demanded much of her time. And soul. Anyway, she missed out the fun.

Her energy was inviting. It was positive despite of the struggles. But what really caught my attention was how seriously she took her work without being annoying about it and how she never seemed to give up no matter how tough it got. She was relentless without being ruthless. She was persevering; strong under pressure. She found humor in the most depressing things.

And those what separated her from the rest. Those were the qualities I was looking for when I needed an assistant. Someone who would not buckle under pressure. Someone I knew who would push for more. Someone who would reach for more. Someone willing to learn; willing to grow.

It was, more or less, a couple of years (again if my poor memory of dates serves me right) of professional and personal relationship. She was not perfect. But she was amazing. She was reliable especially when I needed her to be reliable. She was ever present in times that I was absent. She covered my work when I wasn’t around; work that wasn’t on her level but somehow she always managed to pull through. She always stepped up to the plate even if she didn’t want to. Even if she thought she couldn’t.

But she is way more than an amazing number 2. She’s a remarkable wonderful person who only deserves the best things and people in life. I look at her and see a mixture of steel and fluff. I look at her and see strength and heart. A girl whose frame is small compared to the huge HUGE heart she has inside. I look at her and see a girl who has immensely blessed my life for which I will be eternally grateful for.

She was there in the most trying times of my life at work. She always have ready ears and open mind to listen to me rant and rave. She knew the story behind the biggest, worst mistake of my mortal awesome life and never judged me for my grave lapse of judgment (aka stupidity). She was generous with her time and her resources; she would treat me for lunch or snacks if she have much to spare. She’s up for my random adventures and entertains my out of this world ideas.

She’s one of the most hilarious people I’ve met recently. Someone who spews off the funniest quips at random. She’s witty; always ready with a downright funny comeback. She’s funny without being mean.

Cess, never settle for anything or anyone less than what you deserve. You’re a beautiful person who deserve beautiful, lasting, and meaningful things and people in your life. One day, the love that you shared to the world will be returned to you a thousand fold. One day the pain will cease. One day you will receive love that will blow your mind.

Until that day comes, continue to dream. Live your life to the fullest. Fill your days with blinding light and tummy aching laughter. Fill your days with beautiful positive things. Fill your days with triumphs over struggles. Fill your days with love. You’re on the path to greatness. Never lose track.

Thank you for the assistance but best of all for the friendship. You are loved. Happy birthday.

To the roadtrips we will take.